By Myself
by Azalyn Midnight
Summary: A songfic to Linkin Park's song. Malik questions himself and considers suicide. Rated for suicidal thoughts and character death. Please review.


Disclaimer:I own no Yu-Gi-Oh! Don't sue me, because I haven't got enough money to make it worth your while. I have no association with Linkin Park. Author's note: Malik now knows that his yami killed his father. He feels guilty about everything he's done to Yugi and friends. PLEASE review this. Oh, and it's written from Malik's point of view.  
  
By Myself Well, here I am. Banished into this dark prison as usual. Here I am again, sitting in this black hole and wondering what the hell I was thinking when I tried to kill Yugi. I'm questioning myself as usual. But there are so many questions I can't answer...  
  
/What do I do to ignore them behind me?/ I've always known that my yami was insane and evil. But how could he have had so much more control over me than I thought he did? I've forgotten so much about my past and the people I knew. I've all but forgotten my sister and how much we used to care about each other. Isis... I've nearly forgotten myself...  
  
/Do I follow my instincts blindly?/ It makes me sick how I sat there and listened to him... Never once questioning. The rod controlls me more than anyone I have used it on...  
  
/Do I hide my pride from these bad dreams and give in to sad thoughts that are maddening?/ I don't know how much longer I can take this. Even now, the darkness seems to be pressing in on me. But I'm used to it. The darkness has been pressing in on me all my life.  
  
/Do I sit here and try to stand it? Or do I try to catch them red handed?/ I can't stand this anymore... I can't risk hurting someone like I've hurt Yugi and all the others. But by existing I'm a threat to all around me...  
  
/Do I trust some and get fooled by phoniness? Or do I trust nobody and live in loneliness?/ I won't let you fool me again, Yami! But if I don't trust you, will you leave me locked here forever? I don't think I can stand it here. As I sit here, I realize that I can't take being here much longer. I can't see my hand in front of me it's so dark. Then I realize that I can't take the world outside the rod either.  
  
/Because I can't hold on when I'm stretched so thin. I make the right moves but I'm lost within./ I'm pulled from a thousand different directions by the questions I can't answer and the reality that I can't face. I do what I can to survive, but is it really worth it?  
  
/I put on my daily facade but then I just wind up getting hurt again by myself, myself/ All my life I've ignored the pain. But I know that there will always be a part of me that will be like my yami. I almost killed someone who did nothing wrong, and even Yami had never done that. And for once I've found pain I can't ignore.  
  
/I ask why. But in my mind I find I can't rely on myself/  
  
/I can't hold on To what I want when I'm stretched so thin. It's all too much to take in/ I can't take this anymore... I would be better off dead than alive. Not like anyone will miss me...  
  
/I can't hold on To anything watching everything spin With thoughts of failure sinking in/ I used to want to be killed if I failed in my mission to destroy the pharoah... Well, I failed.  
  
/If I turn my back I'm defenseless And to go blindly seems senseless If I hide my pride and let it all go on then they'll Take from me till everything is gone./ I know can't turn a blind eye to this anymore. I can't just give my yami what he wants... Once you give to Yami, he'll never stop taking.  
  
/If I let them go I'll be outdone But if I try to catch them I'll be outrun./ I can't see a way to stop Yami... But I can limit him. Without me as his vessel, he will be nearly powerless.  
  
/If I'm killed by the questions like a cancer Then I'll be buried in the silence of the answer By myself/ I can't answer these questions. I feel like the questions are pressing in as the darkness is. Even when I'm dead, I won't be able to answer them, but at least I can't hurt anyone. As I sit here, contemplating suicide, I realize that I will forever be alone. Dead or alive.  
  
/I ask why, but in my mind I find I can't rely on myself./  
  
/I can't hold on To what I want when I'm stretched so thin It's all too much to take in I can't hold on To what I want watching everything spin With thoughts of failure sinking in./ The darkness presses in further, and everything begins to spin. Slowly I wake up and realize where I am. My yami has released me from the rod. I find myself in a narrow alley, holding the rod tightly in my hand.  
  
/How do you think I've lost so much I'm so afraid I'm out of touch/ All I had, I've lost. Everyone would be happy if I just killed myself right now. I'm afraid, but I've been more scared. I've heard of horror movies that aren't half as scary as my life. I'm no stranger to fear. I can't let this bit of fear stop me. I slowly lift the rod, and press it's sharp blade against my skin.  
  
/How do you expect I'll know what to do When all I know is what you tell me to?/ I sit against a small stone wall in the dark alley, watching the blood stain my dark skin. Once again, ignoring the pain. Not like it matters. Not like anyone cares.  
  
/Don't you know I can't tell you how to make it go No matter what I do, how hard I try I can't seem to convince myself why/ There's no reason why I deserve to live. I pricked my finger on the golden blade of the rod, and wrote a short message.  
  
Whoever finds the rod, destroy it. I wrote on one side.  
  
Isis, I began to write on the other. I wrote quickly, my vision blurring. I'm sorry. And I'll miss you. Malik  
  
/I'm stuck on the outside/ No one will ever care about me. And no one should.  
  
/I can't hold on/ I can barely sit up now.  
  
/To what I want when I'm stretched so thin. It's all too much to take in/ I slash at my wrists with the blade, trying to end this now.  
  
/To anything watching anything spin/ Everything begins to fade, and I hear the rod fall beside me. I feel the blood flowing away. I feel death coming. And I let go.  
  
/With thoughts of failure sinking in./ Everything goes black, the darkness pressing in. And embracing me.  
  
Author's note (again, sorry):NOOOOOO!! I can't believe I did this to Malik!!! *Regains sanity* Sorry everyone. I know it was sad. Please review. 


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